NEVER IN A MILLION SMEARS DID I THINK I WOULD BE HERE.

 NEVER IN A MILLION SMEARS, DID I THINK I WOULD BE HERE. 

IT ALL STARTED IN FEBUARY 2022 WHEN THE LETTER CAME THROUGH MY DOOR..."YOUR SMEAR IS DUE" (ALTHOUGH IT HAD BEEN DUE SINCE MAY2020 BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT WENT DOWN DONT WE!) ANWAY, I RECEIVED THE LETTER AND PUT IN ON THE SIDE WHERE IT STUPIDLY STAYED UNTIL OCTOBER! I KEPT SEEING IT AND THINKING "YOU NEED TO GET THAT BOOKED" BUT LIFE AS A MOTHER OF 2 WITH A DOG/FAMILY AND A BUISNESS GOT IN THE WAY.....SO OCTOBER CAME AND I KNEW I NEEDED TO GET MY ARSE INTO GEAR AND GET IT BOOKED, THE RECEPTIONIST TOLD ME BECAUSE OF A BACK LOG, SMEARS IN MY SURGERY WERE A 10 WEEK WAIT SO I WOULD HAVE TO GO ONTO THE CANCELLATION LIST. I DID, AND AFTER AROUND 5 DAYS I WAS BOOKED IN FOR ONE THE FOLLOWING WEEK. 

OFF I WENT TO MY SMEAR APPOINTMENT, PANTS DOWN LEGS APART. ALL DONE. "YOUR CERVIX LOOKS NICE, HEATHY AND PINK," SAID THE NURSE "YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR RESULTS WITHIN 4-6 WEKKS. RIGHT ALL GOOD. OFF I WENT.

 WHAT HAPPENED NEXT ABSOLUTLEY FLAWED ME... LIKE A TRUCK TRAVELLING AT 60MPH DRIVING ITSELF RIGHT THROUGH MY CHEST....I READ THE LETTER OVER AND OVER...BUT OF COURSE IT STAYED THE SAME....

"YOUR RESULTS SHOW THAT YOU HAVE HPV (HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS) THIS IS CALLED AN 'HPV POSITIVE' RESULT. WE ALSO TESTED YOUR SAMPLE FOR ABNORMAL CERVICAL CELLS. WE FOUND CHANGES TO SOME OF THE CELLS IN YOUR CERVIX CALLED 'HIGH GRADE (SEVERE) DYSKARYOSIS' IN ALMOST ALL CASES THESE CELL CHANGES ARE NOT FOUND TO BE CANCER BUT WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO COME IN FOR FURTHER EXAMINATION" 

I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN THE EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS THAT ARE GOING THROUGH MY HEAD. I AM A MOTHER TO TWO YOUNG CHILDREN. THAT WAS INSTANTLY MY FIRST THOUGHT...I WILL BE LEAVING MY BABIES BEFORE THEY ARE GROWN, THEY WILL HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE UTTER HEART BREAK OF LOOSING THEIR MOTHER, I WILL BE LEAVING MY HUSBAND BEFORE WE REACH OUR 20TH ANNIVERSARY, LEAVING HIM TO RAISE OUR BROKEN CHILDREN ALONE, AND MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO BURY THIER YOUNGEST CHILD. 

SO, IT HAS BEEN 2 DAYS SINCE I RECEIVED THE LETTER, I HAVE SETTLED A LITTLE. I AM BOOKED IN FOR A COLPOSCOPY, BIOPSY AND IF THEY FEEL THE NEED TO, I WILL HAVE TO GO THROUGH LOOP TREATMENT (Loop electrosurgical excision procedure) TO REMOVE THE AFFECTED AREA/CELLS. AND THEN PRAY TO GOD THAT THE BIOPSY COMES BACK THAT THE CELLS ARE STILL PRECANCEROUS. 

WHAT I HAVE FOUND FROM THE 6388297742 ARTICLES I HAVE READ ONLINE IS THAT THIS IS VERY COMMON! AND YET THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE HEARD ABOUT IT. IF IT IS SO COMMON WHY ARNT NURSES WARNING PATIENTS THAT THIS COULD AND PROBABLY WILL AT SOME POINT HAPPEN TO THEM? WHY DO WE GO THROUGH THIS FEELING LIKE WE ARE THE ONLY ONES? AND INSTANTLY THINK/FEEL THE WORST? 

I WILL WRITE AGAIN AFTER FRIDAYS APPOINTMENT, PLEASE HAVE EVERYTHING CROSSED FOR ME AS I START THIS CRAZY, FUCKING JOURNEY. 

STOP THIS ROLLERCOASTER I WANT TO GET OFF.